These Are For You..

What?

I don't know how I feel about you,

Or why my mind's always on you.

You have me in a weird way -

I think I'm free,

But sometimes I imagine chains.

And always this feeling

I can't describe,

One I've never had.

Is it desire?

Love?

Beginnings of hate?

Something that won't satiate.

I lie and stare

And lie to myself.

Or is this the truth?

Am I hiding?

Scared?

Or is this really boldness?

There you are again -

In my head.

But what are you doing?
Is it really you?

Or just my own projection?

I thought I knew,

Thought we were friends...

But now we're strangers,

And neither you

Nor I

Comprehend.

~Heidi Joens

You've got me hanging on your every word

Even as they drag me through the dirt.

You're sweet and addicting like chocolate -

Just a taste and I want more of it,

But there's almonds and walnuts in the center,

Making the experience somewhat bitter.

You make my day and then walk away,

And I know I shouldn't ask you to stay,

But here I am following behind this tree

Hoping you'll turn and recognize me.

How can you be fun, yet so terrible?

I am confused, and worse - I'm miserable.

~Heidi Joens

Don't Go Friend

We both led each other on -

I gave you hope, you gave me security,

Then I squashed that hope

And you tried to break me.

I never though that you

Could cut a hole so deep.

Even as I write these words

The idea makes me weep.

Now two aching hearts

Cry out from different means

Ripped in the center

And bleeding through the seams.

Friend, oh friend,

You hurt me so,

But what kills me is your pain

That I also know.

I never wanted to be the one

Who drove you far away.

My small voice was begging

For your arms to stay.

The same arms that made me feel

Safe and protected

Were also the same trap

That made you feel rejected.

I want to hear your sad song

As I have in days past,

But now you may write of me,

And those days were my last.

~Heidi Joens

I miss everything we were and all that we knew,

I miss the talks, the laughter, and I miss you.

It's on days like today when I just need a friend

That I'm baffled at whether it may have come to an end.

Sometimes I cry, but just for a while

Thinking of how you could make me smile.

Then I need to write - sketch it all out,

Put pen to paper and let my heart shout.

Maybe I'm cheesy or too sentimental,

But the memories flood my mind in a way that's not gentle.

I'm not asking for attention or expecting you to see

The way this situation is torturing me.

If you could but walk in the shoes that I own,

Maybe you never would have left me alone.

But it's life, we're only human bound to make fault,

And perhaps I did more than I ought.

Rewind, rewind, please let me return

To that peaceful place for which I yearn.

I miss you, I miss you, the ache will be here

Always, as to my heart you are very dear.

~Heidi Joens