What a precious morning!

Today was my last day with my cooperating teacher in Field Based 2. I have been in first grade ever since the week before Spring Break, and they are some of the most precious children I have ever met. This morning I was asked upon entering the classroom to teach during the time I was there, and while it was a bit of a difficult morning with their desks having been rearranged and the rowdiness brought to a new level, I was able to leave on a very good note.

The first precious comment I received, although a bit silly, happened when little McKayla raised her hand and asked, "Miss Cinderella, can I go to the bathroom?" My immediate reaction was to laugh at randomly being referred to as a fairy tale character, and in response to this she looked at me, placed her hand on her hip, and said, "Well, you do look like Cinderella," as if this was an obvious fact I should have known already. This same girl has once before asked me if I was Rapunzel.

I announced about ten minutes before I would be having to leave that it was my last day with them. There was a chorus of "aww"s and "No!"s around the room - of course it is always touching when they are sad to see you go. I then informed them that I had brought a little something to give them before I left, and immediately the classroom mood changed as a "Yay!" was announced unanimously. I pulled out of my bag bookmarks with various pictures on them ready to be colored and let each child pick out the one he or she wanted. By this time the teacher had come back into the room and it was time for me to go.

Their teacher gathered everyone's attention and told them again that it was my last day and that I was about to leave. Immediately, the three students closest to where I was standing threw their arms around me as the rest of the class started moving in our direction. The teacher instructed for them to get in a line and take turns hugging me, but some of them would not pull away and even had to be pulled off by the teacher so that other students could have their turn - how precious!! I cherish moments like these.

One of the girls came up to me with her bookmark during all the hugs and asked if I could sign it so that she could "remember me". :) Of course I obliged. Soon enough, a couple other students came up to me with their bookmarks and a sharpie asking if they could have my "autograph". Suddenly I was a celebrity! I'm not sure why that term came up, but there very quickly formed another line of students all wanting me to sign their bookmarks that I had just handed out. I signed my name about 22 times, and by this point I was way past my due time to leave.

On my way to the door, their teacher asked if they could allow me to get to the door and ordered for no one to "grab at me", but a couple students gave me another hug anyways, and how could I not hug them back? They were so sweet and, obviously my favorite word to use in describing them: precious. I would not have traded this experience for the world. :)

Blinded

I wanted you
To be my light,
So I put sunglasses on.
I imagined you
So very bright,
But my perception was all wrong.
The shades obscured
My point of view,
And when I finally removed them,
There you stood,
A faded blue,
A rock and not a gem.
My shoulders slumped
And head dropped low
As disappointment reigned;
Cupid must have
Bent his arrow
When he nocked and aimed.

~Heidi Joens

"She steps out of the room and returns with a small portrait of her face in profile. Her hair is pulled back off her forehead and her lips are creased in a Mona Lisa smile. Booth thanks Lucy and gives her a long last look. He then turns and walks out of the Hales' suite, explaining breezily that he is off to get a shave, wondering if he will ever make it to Spain to see Lucy again.

As he walks back down the hallway, the sound of the closing door still echoing in the corridor, he admires the picture and slips it into his breast pocket, next to the pictures of four other women who have enjoyed his charms. The life of a narcissist is often cluttered.

The pictures will remain in Booth's pocket for the rest of his short life."

~Killing Lincoln

This book gives so much insight to the people and the era around the time of Lincoln's death and the end of the Civil War. So much is discovered about the character of John Wilkes Booth - who he is, his personal interests, his beliefs and morals - and he is just one of many people in our nation's history that the authors highlight. I have to say, I was a fan of Lincoln before, and after reading so much about his priorities, his conduct, and how he made his decisions, my respect for him has increased dramatically. The book reads like a thriller and many of the chapters end with a profound statement like the one mentioned above. I love the author's simple explanation of Booth's overall character that can be made after discussing his romantic interests: "The life of a narcissist is often cluttered."

Tongue-Tied

I feel trapped inside my head
With words I dare not speak.
If I voice them,
You might hear,
And then you'd know everything.
Like a puzzle
You would place the pieces
That are so easy to match,
But I'm not ready
To be solved.
I only feel safe
Behind this secret -
I don't care
If that makes me weak.
These words are mine,
Known only to me.

~Heidi Joens

After every interaction between us

It's there -

A knot of anger twisting inside me

Made from a string of hope

Meddled by imprecations

I make on myself

For being so daft to hope for such a thing.

It swells until my breathing quickens

And I nearly choke on the tangled mess.

But my composure I keep as my strength I regain -

Stronger the longer

You are away.

The knot unravels

And I nearly forget

All the trouble this was -

Until we meet again.

You will never change,

And as well you will never know

How I suffer each time we get close.

~Heidi Joens

I love field experience in being a teacher!!

"Hi Ms. Joens!"

I stopped in the middle of writing Math problems on the board and turned to see José, Carolina, and Leo, three of the 4th graders in the class I assist in twice a week. Now crossing the room to meet them, I returned the greeting, "Good morning guys!"

"Can we come in?"

Their teacher had stepped out of the room and left me with the task of creating Math warm-up problems before her class arrived for the day. Usually she had them wait outside in a line if she was not yet in the room. Not wanting to disrupt her morning routine, I hesitated in my response, debating whether or not it was a good idea.

"Well...I'm not so sure your teacher wants you in the room without her here."

"But you're a teacher!" Leo protested.

"Actually I'm not quite there yet. Still studying to be one.."

"But you look like one," José added.

I laughed at this and over dramatically brushed some hair back with my hand while using the other to gesture toward my clothes saying, "I try, I try."

They all laughed at my sudden change in character and then asked it they would be having another sub today (they had had one the past two days).

"No, your real teacher's back today!"

They were grateful for that, and I decided to inform them that I would have the chance to teach them a Math lesson a week from today. "But, you will have another sub on that day," I told them.

"Oh man! Too many subs!" Leo complained.

"But I'll be here too!" I tried to offer.

"Yeah but you're never here the whole day!" José reminded me (I only stay until 10am)

I couldn't help but smile because nearly every day that I am there someone lets me know they are disappointed that I always have to leave "so early". It's nice to know they like me!

"I'll tell you what, I will let you in if you promise to sit quietly for your teacher and start those Math problems on the board."

"Yes ma'am!"

They really are such a polite bunch.

Those kids are getting comfortable with me now and are raising their hands asking for "Ms. Joens" when they don't understand a problem and are always trying to tell me little stories and figure out some more information about me. As I was standing by Ana's desk today she asked, "Do you still have my bunny?" About a week ago she had drawn me a picture of a bunny eating carrots with the words "From Ana". It was so precious I had to keep it. "Yes," I reassured her with a smile, "I have it at my apartment."

And as always whenever I have to leave, the class burst out in a chorus of "Bye Ms. Joens!" and "See you next week!" all wildly waving their arms. They truly have captured my hearts and I know I am going to love, absolutely love, being a teacher! :)

"...What a transfiguration it is to love! Notary clerks become gods. And the little shrieks, the pursuits in the grass, the waists encircled by stealth, the jargon that is melody, the adoration that breaks through in the way a syllable is said, those cherries snatched from one pair of lips by another - it all catches fire and turns into celestial glories. Beautiful girls lavish their charms with sweet prodigality. We imagine it will never end. Philosophers, poets, painters behold these ecstasies and don't know what to make of them, they are so dazzling." - Victor Hugo in Les Miserables