There was a rhythmic pounding in my dreams,

One strong enough to wake me,

But as my weary eye transpired

The beats echoed in the stillness.

My head tried hard to remember the taste,

To contain the knowledge of you at my door,

But you're there no more.

What are these dreams that recur

Threatening to never grant me peace?

If only to be cast out of my mind forever!

Forgotten and abandoned.

But no, I wouldn't dare forget,

Don't confiscate that memory from me!

Let it rest on my pillow

And greet me each night.

Too fond of you, I am,

To let it from my sight.

So I keep it on my pillow

And just for sanity's sake,

I hardly ever slumber.

~Heidi Joens

So raw these words fall from my mouth

And form themselves on a page,

It is the only place I'm honest,

Often the reader is just myself.

I must create a work of art

That represents my heart.

When wounds cut deep

I bleed out words

And clean them up with paper.

When feelings fester

And rage comes forth,

The pencil is my tool

To orchestrate a remedy

Before I am a fool.

When joy is eminent and flooding over

I laugh out couplets and rhymes.

Words not spoken but words that are thought,

Modified,

Written.

These are the words that encapsulate

All that I am, by God permitting.

~Heidi Joens

Wicked

"So he stalked her again. Love makes hunters of us all." - Gregory Maguire

"We may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all—the apathy of human beings."

~Helen Keller

Love?

Love?

What is love?

We try to explain with a rose,

Identify with colors of red,

Define as hearts becoming butterflies.

He said, "I love".

One year later, she's standing

Alone.

Butterflies lose flight when harmed

And roses decay.

Humans speak too soon.

Is anyone sure?

Does anyone know?

Chocolate is sweet,

But is consumed quickly.

Some devour while others

Enjoy the sensation.

Either route has the same end.

Jewels present strength and beauty,

Immortality,

Until stolen - then gone forever.

What is the price we are willing to pay?

Red can also mean blood,

But maybe

That is the price.

What is love without

Being ready to die?

She stands on the front lines,

He takes her bullet,

She begs God to have her life for his,

His eyes show no fear.

He holds her hand and brushes her lips,

"Of all things, this is what I'll miss."

~Heidi Joens

These Are For You..

What?

I don't know how I feel about you,

Or why my mind's always on you.

You have me in a weird way -

I think I'm free,

But sometimes I imagine chains.

And always this feeling

I can't describe,

One I've never had.

Is it desire?

Love?

Beginnings of hate?

Something that won't satiate.

I lie and stare

And lie to myself.

Or is this the truth?

Am I hiding?

Scared?

Or is this really boldness?

There you are again -

In my head.

But what are you doing?
Is it really you?

Or just my own projection?

I thought I knew,

Thought we were friends...

But now we're strangers,

And neither you

Nor I

Comprehend.

~Heidi Joens

You've got me hanging on your every word

Even as they drag me through the dirt.

You're sweet and addicting like chocolate -

Just a taste and I want more of it,

But there's almonds and walnuts in the center,

Making the experience somewhat bitter.

You make my day and then walk away,

And I know I shouldn't ask you to stay,

But here I am following behind this tree

Hoping you'll turn and recognize me.

How can you be fun, yet so terrible?

I am confused, and worse - I'm miserable.

~Heidi Joens

Don't Go Friend

We both led each other on -

I gave you hope, you gave me security,

Then I squashed that hope

And you tried to break me.

I never though that you

Could cut a hole so deep.

Even as I write these words

The idea makes me weep.

Now two aching hearts

Cry out from different means

Ripped in the center

And bleeding through the seams.

Friend, oh friend,

You hurt me so,

But what kills me is your pain

That I also know.

I never wanted to be the one

Who drove you far away.

My small voice was begging

For your arms to stay.

The same arms that made me feel

Safe and protected

Were also the same trap

That made you feel rejected.

I want to hear your sad song

As I have in days past,

But now you may write of me,

And those days were my last.

~Heidi Joens

I miss everything we were and all that we knew,

I miss the talks, the laughter, and I miss you.

It's on days like today when I just need a friend

That I'm baffled at whether it may have come to an end.

Sometimes I cry, but just for a while

Thinking of how you could make me smile.

Then I need to write - sketch it all out,

Put pen to paper and let my heart shout.

Maybe I'm cheesy or too sentimental,

But the memories flood my mind in a way that's not gentle.

I'm not asking for attention or expecting you to see

The way this situation is torturing me.

If you could but walk in the shoes that I own,

Maybe you never would have left me alone.

But it's life, we're only human bound to make fault,

And perhaps I did more than I ought.

Rewind, rewind, please let me return

To that peaceful place for which I yearn.

I miss you, I miss you, the ache will be here

Always, as to my heart you are very dear.

~Heidi Joens

Ineffable Mystery

You quiet my desires as your fingers touch my lips,

You wrap me in your arms, and I just cling to this.

All other distractions quiet to a low, dull hum,

And my heart pounds through places I thought were numb.

I give up, I rue it all, take all I am.

I lie quiet at your feet - me, a little lamb.

The storm I came through shook me and soaked my bones,

I waged a war and then I died alone.

Oh, the absurdity of assuming that I

Without wings or feathers could jump and then fly!

This hand is not of beauty or grace

But simply one that longs to touch your face.

Take off the layers, the impedimenta I own.

Your fingers dig deep through the threads that I've sewn.

In trepidation I cry from this pain that I feel,

And suddenly this life becomes very real.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I try to construe.

My nakedness is shameful in front of you,

But you exculpate me without hesitation

And make my salvation your obligation.

Praise you, oh Lord, for your incredible mercy!

This love is such a beautiful, ineffable mystery!

I deserve fire and without you I am lost,

But me you have redeemed through the power of the cross.

~Heidi Joens